Really...
Some mornings I wake up and am faced, immediately, with a difficult decision; coffee or vodka? Today was one of those mornings. My children, much like myself, are not particularly fond of mornings. Now, granted it is a lovely, sunshiny morning, but blurred by morning eye snot, the beauty is overlooked. Picture if you will, hair knotted, greasy, gross; skin "glowing" with enough oil to motor a John Deere; a robe befitting of a cat lover; the word "MOM" ringing throughout the house at a steady 1,2,3 beat.
Kaia "Mom, you know I'm not eating cereal in that fake milk, (Almond milk) it's disgusting. Why do you make us eat healthy crap, dad doesn't. He buys whatever we like!"
....Oh, ho, ho, I'm sure he does...vodka...
Caleb "Mooommm, the dog bit me. She is soo mean (nearly inaudible due to sobs)!"
....Naturally I suggest we just need to get rid of her...oops.
Cal "Nooo, I love her. It's not fair. You hate me. I want to live with Dad!!"
....Hmmm...vodka...
"Mooommm, I think Ruby just peed on the floor!"
....Okay dog, out you go.
(Kaia)- "Why do you hate the dog?"
.... "I don't hate the dog."
(Kaia)-"But you always throw her outside."
.... "She always pees on the floor, she needs to go outside to do that."
(Kaia)- "Caleb pees the bed and you let him stay in!"
.... vodka in my coffee...Oh look, it's time for you to leave for school! I love you, do good, bye!! Now for the youngest...
...."Cal, you can't wear two long sleeve shirts, it's too hot."
Cal "But one is my pajama top not a shirt!"
....Oh,... that's okay then...
Cal "I didn't pee the bed last night."
..... "Good job, buddy! Proud of you."
"Can I stay inside then?"
...vodka. Here let's watch some cartoons while I get dressed and make your lunch. Okay Barney Halloween it is. No prob!
"Mom, can I stay late at school today?"
... Uh, why?
"So I don't have to come home. Our home is stupid and crap."
....That explains that.
"I want to go see dad!"
...I want to go see a therapist...
Dear God, grant me the patience to not become one of those moms who drugs their children. Amen.
P.S. is Benadryl a drug?
Kaia "Mom, you know I'm not eating cereal in that fake milk, (Almond milk) it's disgusting. Why do you make us eat healthy crap, dad doesn't. He buys whatever we like!"
....Oh, ho, ho, I'm sure he does...vodka...
Caleb "Mooommm, the dog bit me. She is soo mean (nearly inaudible due to sobs)!"
....Naturally I suggest we just need to get rid of her...oops.
Cal "Nooo, I love her. It's not fair. You hate me. I want to live with Dad!!"
....Hmmm...vodka...
"Mooommm, I think Ruby just peed on the floor!"
....Okay dog, out you go.
(Kaia)- "Why do you hate the dog?"
.... "I don't hate the dog."
(Kaia)-"But you always throw her outside."
.... "She always pees on the floor, she needs to go outside to do that."
(Kaia)- "Caleb pees the bed and you let him stay in!"
.... vodka in my coffee...Oh look, it's time for you to leave for school! I love you, do good, bye!! Now for the youngest...
...."Cal, you can't wear two long sleeve shirts, it's too hot."
Cal "But one is my pajama top not a shirt!"
....Oh,... that's okay then...
Cal "I didn't pee the bed last night."
..... "Good job, buddy! Proud of you."
"Can I stay inside then?"
...vodka. Here let's watch some cartoons while I get dressed and make your lunch. Okay Barney Halloween it is. No prob!
"Mom, can I stay late at school today?"
... Uh, why?
"So I don't have to come home. Our home is stupid and crap."
....That explains that.
"I want to go see dad!"
...I want to go see a therapist...
Dear God, grant me the patience to not become one of those moms who drugs their children. Amen.
P.S. is Benadryl a drug?
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