Fatty

Shower time for me is sacred. I usually have to lock the door if I intend to take one alone, but in the end the screaming stops and mommy can relax. I find that my brain turns in vicious circles when left with no external stimuli. I've laughed out loud in the shower, I have broken down into a heap of shaking sobs on the tub floor and on most occasions I burst into song while washing my hair. Today I got out of the shower and stood in the middle of my bedroom floor, naked, pondering my reflection. No worries, the kids were in school. I assessed every shadow, every flaw, every angle- some I like, some I don't. And I thought,..."God has a mean streak." At least I come by it honest. And then I honed in on my former milk dispensers and laughed because obviously he also has a wicked sense of humor, and once again the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Just ask Eve... I am approaching 33, young by most standards (those over 40), and I am content. Yes I have things I need to work on but I have no desire to visit a "specialist" about these matters. I'm fine. I wish I could lend my 30 year old brain to my 9 year old daughter- yes 9- who already has uttered the dreaded words...my thighs are fat. Shit...what do you say to that? No, they're muscular-they are she rides horses and takes gym, but how cliche'. Did I believe those words when they were said to me? I think to myself, how do I respond? This is crucial. What do I say. I wonder what is different about a 30 something that makes us more comfortable in our skin? I've got it! Humor. We've been there, done that. We have come to realize, Who gives a damn? Never once in my life has a man said "No, you're too fat." So I looked at her and said the only thing I could say, "Yes they are. They're HUGE. You are no longer allowed to eat...ever..." And guess what? She laughed. She went to gymnastics and kicked butt. I gave her the other "mom approved" responses as well, "Don't say that. You are beautiful. God made you as he intended and in his eyes you're perfect." They elicited the exact same response I would have given, a very dramatic rolling of the eyes. Of course the following weekend I purchased three books on raising confident daughters. I figure, I turned out remotely normal, so she'll be fine.
Humor isn't something we learn from a "Dummies" book or from studying comedy central. Although I am a big fan of Tosh.O. It is a survival skill we acquire as we age because, frankly, life sucks. It's hard, trying and there are times you want to quit. But humor has kept me afloat. Therapists might call it  "defensiveness" or "avoidance". I call it the ability to move on. I am happily dysfunctional and I plan on instilling said dysfunction into all three of my children. They're off to a good start...