Girls vs. Boys

What makes a girl, a girl and a boy, a boy? That is a question being asked in the news and media these days. With the legalization of gay marriage and transgender individuals speaking out about their struggles, our ideas of gender are being challenged and we are asked to consider the alternative answers, whether or not we understand. However, this is not the point of my post but perhaps a discussion for another time. Today I am considering my own kids. One girl, two boys. Three very different human beings. All three equally annoying at times. Today my focus is, more specifically, on the difference in the boys and the girl. Or should I say the neanderthals and the alien? When my kids come home from school, as has always been the case, they are to sit down at the table and do their homework. I always make sure I'm available to help with any questions to which I might have an answer (5th grade math is hard). The boys get this; they take their routine bathroom break, sit down and laugh about their bodily functions, call school and homework stupid, and proceed in completing the task at hand, then off to some form of technological entertainment. Not the girl. She waits on the couch for the boys to get done in the bathroom, even though we have two bathrooms. She then takes her turn in the bathroom, where she hides and texts and YouTube's and attempts to delude me into thinking she is actually using said bathroom. At the eleventh hour, when the beast emerges, she gets a snack. Usually a small snack, but one that, despite its meager size, takes at least fifteen minutes to consume- really, it's amazing. At this point I risk an intervention... It usually goes like this... "Kaia, do you have homework?" Her reply is something like, " Ugh, yeeeaah." "Okay, you need to get started." And then, at an alarming decibel, "Can I finish my snack first!?" Oh, uh-uh, nope. "Maybe if you haven't been watching videos while you eat you would be finished." Now, I understand that I should have taken her phone prior to this point, but she is scary, I mean, exorcism-like terrifying at times. Pick your battles, right? Well, all of this, somehow, ends with her screaming, slamming, or crying. Sometimes all of the above. Seriously, it's quite fascinating to witness. It's like watching a human turn into a fictional wolf like creature. Remember Teen-wolf? Anyway, this is when I attempt to quiet the beast by being calm and rational. Now, I understand, those of you who know me are probably laughing at this notion, but I can occasionally muster restraint. So today was not unlike any other day, but she tried a new tactic. I feel I should tell you that, from the time she was young, she has been masterful at arguing, debating, and manipulating, and she aspires to be an attorney. So it goes like this, "Mom, I think that it is unfair of you to punish me for being angry, when you provoke me." I'm sorry, what? I provoke you? She continued to rationalize her behavior as a natural, learned reaction to being antagonized when she is just trying to have a snack. I am serious people, she tried to sell me on this garbage. I did what any good mother would do, I took her phone away and told her the disturbingly, graphic details of her birth. She grew silent. I think she was reflecting on the err of her ways. In summation, I don't know what she identifies with but I'm starting to think it is of demonic origins....