Laughter is the best medicine...
It's been a while and I feel the need to blog. It was that or call my husband and vent for thirty to forty minutes and that would really impact his day. I'm not sleeping so great lately and my personality-which is not awesome to begin with- has been ever so slightly altered. Actually, I've become a little hellish. Unbearable. Basically a nightmare. I get credit for acknowledging it, right? I own up to my nastiness. I would avoid my own self if that were an option so I truly empathize with my family and coworkers. I really do. And then I focus in on their flaws and mishaps so I feel better about my own. See how that works?
So I started yoga teacher training last weekend in hopes of finding peace in my life. It was wonderful and horrendous all at the same time. It's very hard to self reflect. Also, we can't really afford it and I don't really have time for it and perhaps that is why I need it. We live in a society where too much, too fast, and too soon are the norm, or the desired norm. I don't think that's okay. Our health records are likely to agree. Practically everyone I know either takes anti-anxiety drugs or anti-depressants. In fact, it seems to be the new black. At what point have we come to accept this as "just how it is". I, too, was on anti-anxiety meds and recently weaned myself off. That was hard. And there are days I hear my husband's prayer that I will start taking them again soon.
Every day is a struggle. Some days are better and some days are not. But I don't stop breathing and I don't just lie down and quit. Because I have healthy lungs that work and two strong legs that propel me forward. I have to remind myself of this daily and sometimes hourly. Actually this morning it was more like every five minutes. I was laughing to avoid crying. In fact I sat down to write my typical sarcastic, and somewhat cynical post but these are the words that flowed. I am surrounded by people who believe in a serious, unrelenting God, but the God I pray to laughs and it makes me smile to think he laughs at me and my struggles. Because, frankly, anyone who could see inside my life would laugh....non stop laughing. And I like that. It's how I cope. Call it a defense mechanism if you will but I won't be shooting anyone soon. However if you fall, right before I offer assistance, I will be laughing. It's who I am. And besides, crying makes my face puffy.
So I started yoga teacher training last weekend in hopes of finding peace in my life. It was wonderful and horrendous all at the same time. It's very hard to self reflect. Also, we can't really afford it and I don't really have time for it and perhaps that is why I need it. We live in a society where too much, too fast, and too soon are the norm, or the desired norm. I don't think that's okay. Our health records are likely to agree. Practically everyone I know either takes anti-anxiety drugs or anti-depressants. In fact, it seems to be the new black. At what point have we come to accept this as "just how it is". I, too, was on anti-anxiety meds and recently weaned myself off. That was hard. And there are days I hear my husband's prayer that I will start taking them again soon.
Every day is a struggle. Some days are better and some days are not. But I don't stop breathing and I don't just lie down and quit. Because I have healthy lungs that work and two strong legs that propel me forward. I have to remind myself of this daily and sometimes hourly. Actually this morning it was more like every five minutes. I was laughing to avoid crying. In fact I sat down to write my typical sarcastic, and somewhat cynical post but these are the words that flowed. I am surrounded by people who believe in a serious, unrelenting God, but the God I pray to laughs and it makes me smile to think he laughs at me and my struggles. Because, frankly, anyone who could see inside my life would laugh....non stop laughing. And I like that. It's how I cope. Call it a defense mechanism if you will but I won't be shooting anyone soon. However if you fall, right before I offer assistance, I will be laughing. It's who I am. And besides, crying makes my face puffy.
Comments
Post a Comment